Well, its happened again. Previously, I told you about the cats and other animals breaking into our house to use it as their own personal boudoir. The good news is that the cats aren’t breaking into our house anymore. So why does our house still smell like shit?
It’s wafting in from outside. We keep our windows open, and there are a lot of them. We do this to circulate Malcolm and I’s various odors. Thank god Amy smells like a Cinnabon, or our house would be condemned. However, the very thing that we rely on to give our house the level of freshness that it so richly deserves is now its biggest stumbling block. With the neighbor cats seemingly relegated to peeing and crapping outside our house, they are getting us back by blanketing our immediate surroundings with evidence of their unhappiness. They go underneath the windows behind our family room. They go everywhere they can in our back yard (which allows the odor to find its way to our bedroom which overlooks the yard.) I tried to outsmart the dirty little rascals by putting two large garbage cans/recycling bins underneath our kitchen window, but somehow every neighborhood cat has found a way to take a dump in the 6 inch gap between the two. Now, when I cook, I either have keep reminding myself that dinner won’t smell like turds, or close the windows and sweat up a storm. They even somehow go in the 2 inch strip of dirt next to the driveway fence, which gives a pleasant reminder of who’s in charge every time we get in and out of the car.
Walking anywhere near our house now is reminiscent of touring a waste treatment plant. Of course, I shoo the little scoundrels away from our house every chance I get, but shooing a cat has all the long term effectiveness of warding off syphilis with a jelly donut. Like the syphilis, the cats will be back . I really want to buy a BB gun. I won’t, but I want to. In the end, I am going to have to go out and clean up after them. I can’t help but think that there is nothing else in the world that is as unfulfilling as cleaning up after someone else’s cat, even if it is done outside and with a rake. Our previous idea was to build a giant cat box in a side yard that has no windows near it, but the cats seem to think it too easy, like it’s a trap. Plus, I think they like to make things hard on us. Little assholes.
P.S. I like everything about that cartoon except for the expression on the guys face. Or maybe his arms. There’s definitely something weird going on with him though.
Tags: cats
Loading ...
gorilla hair, cat off stuff, or a sprinkler system with a motion detector…?
Coffee grounds–they're free at Starbuck's and good for the garden. We had this same problem last year. Your gratuitous use of profanity, while not particularly offensive, and somewhat funny to me, has many of my FB friends (to whom I referred your blog)calling me a Satanist. I guess I'll find out my true "friends" eh? LOL!