Malcolm and I visited Amy at her office last Thursday. It was our first office visit, as her office is far away and Amy usually goes there when Malcolm is in preschool. Drive to eat lunch with my wife?, Not likely, as I don’t think i could get on her calendar without Malcolm. Since Malcolm has the summer off from school, we decided to visit the place that pays all our bills. It was, in many ways, different than a normal day.
I showered. Normally, my cleaning involves a quick how do you do with a baby wipe, usually while running out the door. 
I am afraid that if I actually took a shower during the day, Malcolm would find a way to throw the broom, javelin style, into the TV. Thursday, however, Rosie was cleaning the house, and I had Malcolm follow her around while I frantically scrubbed away a few years of grime. Amy gave Malcolm a morning bath, so we both were as clean as a Chihuahua in a dishwasher.
I combed my hair. It has been too long since I have paid my hairdresser a visit and my head is a little unmanageable. My hair looks like cat throw up right now, and I just hide it under a Beer Nuts hut most of the time. I don’t think the fine people at Oracle are as big of fans of Beer Nuts as I, so I did what I never, ever want to do. I took a brush, raised in to my head, and actually made my hair look amazing. It was hard, but one of the things you should do for your spouse is look presentable every couple of months.
I put on pants. Sigh. I had a nice little steak going on too. I had gone maybe 2 months without covering my knees, and I hated to see the streak go down. (Last year I made it for over 4 months, but I kinda cheated by freezing my ass off in a spring snowstorm and then wearing cargo shorts to Chez Panisse.) I have really nice legs and I like to show them off, so covering them up seems like a sin. Mostly though, I just don’t like to sweat. Putting on pants quadruples the likelihood that my face will end up as some sort of glossy sponge, but I counteracted the threat by putting on additional coats of anti-perspirant.
I did many of the same things for Malcolm, and we set off to impress to nice folks at Oracle with how clean and dressed we were. When we got there, sadly, it appeared that we were way too classy for what was going on. People were walking around with bottles of champagne and others were hiding in their offices reading books (supposedly the “server was out”, but Amy uses that excuse all the time in response to my advances. I know it is a lie!) The kicker is that they were screening WKRP in Cincinnati on the big screen. Some job Amy has. Next time I visit, I am going in shorts and bringing Beer Nuts for the show.
Tags: paul in public
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