Why Are Kids So Weird About Food?

Posted by Big Daddy Paul in Cooking and Eating

In many ways, kids are like little humans. They may act like turdburgers, but usually their behavior can be traced to some rational thought on their behalf. If they want a toy, the bludgeon another child to get it. If you take away something that gives them pleasure, they will call you names and try to chew off one of your limbs. If you show them a picture of Ronald McDonald, they will try to murder and eat the neighbor’s cat. While you try to redirect children’s behavior into something a little more productive, you can certainly understand just why they feel the way they do.

Except for eating. I don’t have a fucking clue what makes kids eat the way they do. Tonight at dinner, Malcolm suggested that the carrots I had included in the stir fry we all ate together were not acceptable because I had cooked them and they were “too crunchy.” Mind you, he has no problem eating raw carrots, he was just looking for any reason to not want to eat the carrots he had in front of him at the time. He had a tantrum last week because I had the temerity to make him pancakes instead of waffles, even though they are made from the same mix. The meal that he pines for more than anything else in this world is a salami and jelly sandwich. (I have never made it for him and have no plans to. Ever.)

Occasionally, if he likes what he is eating enough, he even sings to his food.

The most trying aspect of kids’ bizarre food fetishes is that, since they are not grounded in any sort of reality, combating them is almost impossible. What do you say to a child who eats just the inside of a croissant besides, “Please stop acting like a crack whore.” Sure, you can yell at their kid when they eat mac ‘n cheese with their fingers by placing each shell on the end of their fingers making a “finger hat,” but you’re not probably not going to be able to change anything. No, the weirdness comes from somewhere primal, and I guess we’re just stuck with it until they grow out of it. Only then, they will want to eat nothing but McDonalds cat burgers.

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One response to “Why Are Kids So Weird About Food?”

  1. conrad says:

    Mmmmmm…. cat burger!

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