What Is A Good Movie For Kids?

Posted by Big Daddy Paul in Daddy Stories

We love movies around here. Actually, if I am being honest I would say that I love eating popcorn and seeing movies is a pretty good way to stuff my gullet full of buttery awesomeness without looking like too much of a glutton. To me, eating popcorn and watching previews is just as enjoyable as watching the movie itself, even when the movie contains hot lesbian sex scenes between ballet dancers. Luckily, Malcolm shares my love of popcorn and movies, and we see a decent amount of movies as a family.

Of course, this presents the tricky issue of what movies we allow Malcolm to watch. Some movies are easily identifiable as movies that Malcolm should not be watching (say, any movies that contain the following: “hot” “lesbian” or “sex scenes.”) The lines between kid and adult movies is blurring nowadays, however, mostly due to the large number of cartoons that are coming out. Just because a movie is a cartoon, however, it does not mean that we want Malcolm to watch it.

This is primarily because the people who make kids’ movies think that children are obsessed with screaming, name calling and violence. Seriously, you’d think that most kids movies are training manuals for interrogators at Guantanamo Bay. I am not saying that all cartoon heroes should be lauded for snuggling with their mommies or eating all their veggies, but it would be nice if the movies our kids watch weren’t laced with gun violence and interpersonal cruelty. To be sure, Malcolm will learn that you can accomplish many of your goals by screaming obscenities at your enemies and then blowing a hole in their head with a shotgun, but the proper time to learn this is high school (when you have been drinking!) and not in a movie theater as a five-year-old.

We need more movies about sweet little dinosaurs!

We found ourselves in a bit of no man’s land the other day when we took Malcolm to see “The Illusionist” an animated film that has been nominated for an Academy Award. While the movie get kudos for not muddling in the gutter of childrens’ themes, it did portray most adults as binge drinking, chain smokers who don’t speak so much as mumble gibberish. Amy and I nervously looked at each other throughout the movie wondering just how we were going to explain this kind of behavior to Malcolm without acknowledging that it is how I spend most of my time on Wednesday nights hanging out with the softball dudes. In the end, we did nothing, leaving the heavy lifting for another day.

I am not sure what a perfect movie for kids would look like. If pressed, I would guess it would be Ellen Degeneres reading math problems and stressing the importance of being a good listener. Sound boring? As long as Malcolm and I had a tub of popcorn to split, we’d be just fine.


5 responses to “What Is A Good Movie For Kids?”

  1. Jareth says:

    I’d stick with the classic Adam Sandler flicks with a splash of Tommy Boy and a dash of Caddy Shack…

  2. Dennis P says:

    I was thinking that the perfect movie for you and Malcolm would be “The 2010 San Fransisco Giants: Highlights of the World Series Champions.”

    • Wait, there’s a movie? Get me to the video store!!!

      • Dennis P says:

        I’m sure there is/will be. One of my most treasured items is the highlight tape of the 1984 Detroit Tigers World Series team. Even today I will every now and then fire up the VCR and pop it in to watch Whitaker, Trammell, Gibson, Parrish and Morris take down the crappy dressed Padres!

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *