We just got back from 10 days in Hawaii, and we had a blast. You may have noticed that my posts have left a little to be desired during that time, as I was more focused on reading shitty John Grisham books than fine tuning posts to ensure maximum entertainment value. Sorry about that, (especially the shitty books part. Seriously. If I ever pick up another Grisham book, please stick a spoon in my eye!) I am back now, and I promise you that things will promptly return to normal around here. More loving/loathing of Malcolm, more hand wringing over the future, and possibly even more pictures of my legs. (You love my legs, admit it. You do.)
One thing I noticed on vacation is that us stay at home parents get kind of a raw deal on the family vacation. Working folks go “on holiday,” as our friends in Europe quaintly say, and get to leave their daily routines behind. The holiday for a stay at home parent looks a lot like a regular week. Wake up, yell at kid. Eat breakfast, yell at kid. Motor through lunch to rapidly bring about nap time, and then hang on for dear life until the child’s bed time. Then, and only then, does the real holiday begin. Sure, vacation means that your significant other will be there to take some of the load, but watching your significant other try to operate as primary caregiver isn’t relaxing to watch, it’s more like the feeling a bull has while watching a cow get artificially inseminated. (First day back and I am already making metaphors that are both confusing AND disgusting. Still got it!)
As you might guess, I have some advice for how to maximize your time on vacation if your vacation involves the sad reality of traveling with your spouse and children. First, take mini vacations. Hide from your family and don’t tell them what is going on, they’ll make do. Take a walk, go golfing, or make a detour from the grocery store and hit a dive bar for happy hour. It doesn’t matter what you do, as long as your family isn’t there to ruin it. I once spent two hours locked in the bathroom claiming I had diarrhea, when in fact, I was just reading “The Client.” Carving out significant “Me” time is one of the best things you can do for yourself, and will make you a way better parent for it.
Second, travel with family friends. We went with some good friends who have a three-year-old, and the times that Malcolm and the boy Henry played together were actually quite nice. We got to actually talk to our friends and even snorkeled a bit. Bonus! Traveling with another family also means someone else will occasionally cook dinner, figure out where to go during the day, and may even help you sing karaoke in a tiki bar in Hanalei after midnight, if you find yourself in that sort of situation.
Don't get mad at me, his didn't have any rum in it...
Lastly, get good and drunk. Having too much to drink at home during the week is a pathetic way to go through life, and while I do it all the time, I don’t condone it. Drinking too much on vacation is just letting of a little steam, especially if you drink something wildly different. In Hawaii, we drank a lot of fuzzy frozen drinks, and even rationalized the large intake of fresh pineapples and coconut milk-based drinks as merely the healthy pursuit of anti-oxidants. I don’t think we’ll start drinking every day at 4 pm (which really means noon, except that we are too ashamed to admit it) but for a long week, it’s kind of fun. We were on holiday from sobriety!
Traveling without your kids is simply not going to be a reality for most people, but hiding in the bathroom, pawning your offspring off on your friends, and binge drinking are all excellent ways to ensure that you holiday is a success, even when your kids go with you. Now that I think of it, I can do all these things in may daily life here. Bring on the summer!
Tags: drinking
Loading ...
[...] divebarfly wrote a new blog post: Big Daddy Paul » Vacations For Stay At Home Parents Take a walk, go golfing, or make a detour from the grocery store and hit a dive bar for happy hour. It doesn't matter what you do, as long as your family isn't there to ruin it. I once spent two hours locked in the bathroom claiming I …Big Daddy Paul – http://bigdaddypaul.com/ Click Here to [...] [...]
Ha! I need a drink after that…truly!
Happy Fatherhood Friday AND a Very Happy 4th!