Things I Am Anal About

Posted by Big Daddy Paul in Uncategorized

I am not a clean and organized person. I live in filth most of time and occasionally eat garbage. Our house is messy up until five minutes before guests arrive, and every piece of mail we have received in the past ten months is currently in a pile somewhere in our office. Yes, I have a long way to go before anyone will accuse me of being orderly and hygienic.

Even so, there are some little things that I am anal retentive about. I hate when people don’t use their turn signals. The correct order for the layers on a sandwich must be bread, mayo, meat, cheese, lettuce, mustard, bread. Most of the time, when people use the word “literally” they use it wrong (ie, “I literally had a cow.” No you didn’t, you figuratively had a cow. Momma cows literally have cows, you don’t.)

Sadly, I am not hung up on looking good

Sadly, I am not hung up on looking good

By far, though, my worst idiosyncrasy, is knives. I love em, I use them all the time, and I cannot stand when people use them incorrectly. (When I say “people” I am, of course, referring to my lovely wife Amy, who has been tormenting me with poor knife skills our entire relationship.) How, you ask, do you use a knife incorrectly? Well, for starters, don’t use the tiny little paring knife to cut through a huge chunk of cheese. ┬áIt wont work very well and will dull the blade to the point where you can no longer peel a kiwi. A long carving knife will technically chop up carrots, but it won’t be easy and you are likely to lop off a finger. There really isn’t any reason you should use a serrated bread knife, but it definitely should NOT be for making a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Every knife has a purpose, use the right knife for the right job, things will go smoothly, choose the wrong knife and you will endure my wrath.

That’s about it. How about you?

8 responses to “Things I Am Anal About”

  1. brad says:

    passively aggressive anyone?

  2. brad says:

    or maybe you’re aggressively passive?

  3. Tracy Weitz says:

    I’m neurotic about many things here are a few:
    1. The chairs in a conference room should match. This is the showcase of an office and not the broken chair dumping ground.
    2. It is birth control not birf control
    3. Can I do it and May I do it mean two different things.
    4. Wine should always be consumed in glass, unless it has been mixed with soda and then it isn’t wine anymore.
    5. LITTER!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

  4. Oh, dear, then there’s just no woman you can be happy with. We don’t do knives. My husband has learned to think of it as ‘cute’ and keeps the hospital on speed dial.

    I don’t eat garbage myself but have on several occassions fed it to my children. Of course, I use the 10 second rule.

  5. I am not passive aggressive, Brad. You’d know that if you hung out more. I miss hanging with you. You are stupid.

    Tracy, I think you should give up on the birf control hang up, as anyone who would use the work “birf” desperately needs contraception. Let ’em have it.

    Laura, we need a bad ass woman on TV making knife work look awesome. It’s all about role models.

  6. kc says:

    Anything left ajar makes me twitchy. Closet doors, cabinets, drawers.

  7. David says:

    My wife does not understand why spreads (mayo, mustard, hummus, etc.) must continue to the edge of the bread on all four sides. Two 1″ x 2″ pieces of cheese on a tortilla do not make a Quesadilla. And turning on your turn signal as you make a turn doesn’t count.

  8. Scott says:

    Bread, Mustard, Meat, Cheese, Lettuce, Mayo, Bread for me!

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