It certainly has been interesting to watch our son Malcolm grow up. He turns 4 next week, and when he is not is not exasperating, he is enjoyable. Having watched him grow, I began to wonder whether his traits are all that different than the traits of men my age. So, here’s my take.
Mischievousness – Little boys like to stir the pot. When you tell them not to do something, like stick wood chips in their socks or scratch you in the face, they want to do it even more. They get a look in their eye when they are doing it, a look that tells you that they know they are not supposed to be putting a handful of coins in their mouth, but are enjoying it nonentheless. This traits continues into manhood, as men like doing things that they know their significant others would not approve of. It’s why Hooters continues to be in business, and also the sole reason for the continued use of cigars in today’s world. The difference between men and boys is that as men we have learned to hide the unwanted behavior instead of magnifying it in front of the rulemakers.
Fighting – Boys are hard wired to fight. It is a constant struggle as a parent to remind your boy that the first solution to any disagreement should not be a headlock. The next time you are out in nature, watch the glee in your boy’s eyes when he picks up a stick, and realizes that he has just found a pretty bitchin’ sword. When two boys each pick up sticks and realize simulaneously that they have bitchin’ swords, they will each immediately use their new weapon to try and poke the other’s eyes out. I am pretty sure this was how Star Wars was created. As men, we have the experience to know that fighting usually involves you getting your ass kicked and needing to go to the dentist. Most of us have stopped trying to physically brutalize one another, and have evolved to the point where making fun of one another is enough to satisfy urges. Football is a great avenue for satisfying your need to make fun of other guys, especially since it is a violent sport and you can live vicariously through your football team. If you bring two guys into nature and put fantasy football teams in front of them, they will each pick one and begin making fun of the other’s. This way, no trip to the dentist is needed.
Interest In Touching Their Private Parts – some things never change, and the desire to constantly be stretching, scratching, or just plain fiddling is as strong today as it was when I was Malcolm’s age.
Impulse Control- Little boys have no impulse control. If a boy sees a cat, he must try and pull its tail. If another child takes a favorite toy away, the other child must be bludgeoned. All boogers must be consumed within three seconds of removal from the nasal canal. Men have learned to control their impulses provided they have not been consuming alcohol. Once alcohol enters into the equation, we are essential toddlers with money. That is why places like Las Vegas are in business.
I guess Malcolm and I are not all that different. I have the benefit of some extra experience, but our motivations are actually pretty similar. When he does irritating things, I have to remember that I do dumb things too, like when Malcolm threw my phone in the toilet, I should have remembered that I broke me previous phone by getting drunk and jumping off a houseboat with the phone in my pocket. Not sure it help my parenting, but at least it will give me some perspective.
Tags: Malcolm misbehaves, parenting
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“When he is not exasperating, he’s enjoyable” – who have I referred to in that way before?? hmmm …