I have been to a grand total of two of Malcolm’s tee ball games, which, in my mind, makes me an expert. Unlike some of the parents out there who sit and talk to each other or get caught up on Facebook via their cell phone, I have marked my time on the sidelines fastidiously studying the kids and wondering what the hell is wrong with them. Some of you out there haven’t yet had the good fortune of experiencing a tee ball game, I thought I would give you a primer on what you can expect. So, here is my breakdown of the kinds of kids who play tee ball.
Butterfly Chaser: This kid is not into tee ball, and is participating in the activity mostly because their parents either want them to pick up the game, or just want them out of the house. Most of the time, the Butterfly Chaser is not paying attention to what is going on in the game. He or she will be staring at any possible distraction in the field, and will often get hit by the ball, another player chasing the ball, or often both. The disinterest in the game may even cause the player to take off their helmet and run to a shiny object while making their way to first base.
Nervous Nelly: This tee baller is generally bashful, yet interested in the game. They participate fully until A) they come near another player, or B) a parent or coach yells something to them. Running the bases is especially difficult for this players, as the minefield of little kids between bases causes them to start and stop ten or more times on the base paths. Nervous Nellies hit well, but tend to stay at home base for a few minutes after hitting while everyone on the field is yelling at them to run to first base.
Bowling Pin: Kids with this tendency love baseball, but don’t know what to do with all the energy. Once a ball is put in play, the Bowling Pins all fall down in unison, regardless of where the ball is hit. The Pins then proceed to roll around on the ground until the coaches scream at them to get back up and go to their positions. In Malcolm’s last game, there were a grand total of seven Bowling Pins on the other team, causing the end of each play to look like a fraternity house the morning after a party.
Dogpiler: Dogpilers also love baseball, but are consumed by primal urges once play begins. They see the ball, and do everything in their power to be the one who comes up with the precious at the end of the play. The first kid to get the ball is usually the worst off as they are jumped on by every other dogpiler on the team. Games with a large population of dogpilers more closely resemble rugby scrums, as each play ends with coaches peeling off players one by one until the ball is finally located.
Spaz: The spaz has a love of the game and a limitless amount of energy. Position assignments don’t mean much to the Spaz as they seem to always make their way to the center of the action regardless of where they started when the play began. The Spaz is moving even when nothing is happening, running around in circles and jumping around making pretend plays. Malcolm is definitely a Spaz, and I laughed every time he ran in from left field to back up plays at first.
Tee ball is fun activity to watch because each team is made up of a combination of each type of players. While Nervous Nellies are wetting themselves dodging the Bowling Pins and Dogpilers, Butterfly Chasers are looking for Easter Eggs, and Spazzes are running all over the place. I have never been in battle, but I imagine that the carnage at the Battle Of Bull Run looked a lot like the triple that Malcolm’s teammate hit yesterday. I, for one, couldn’t be happier.
Tags: baseball
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The games I have seen had nearly all dog pilers. The ball was hit and every kid on the team chased it. I am not much on tee ball. There is no score. There are no outs. Everyone just hits and dog piles. But you can bet my son will be playing because I love baseball. Braden can already hit off the tee. He started that at about a year old. Now he just needs to work on his dog piling. Veruy fun post.
Keep your fingers crossed and maybe one day he’ll be a spaz!
It is funny that the only rule seems to be “it’s a FOUL if they hit the tee, even if the ball actually goes into the field of play”. Except of course if the batter has ONLY been able to hit the tee so after about four swings the next time the ball happens to go into the field of play, whether as a result of the batter hitting the tee, the ball, or a stiff wind came along, it is a live ball. From my seat, that was the only rule in the game. And quite fun, by the way! Thanks for a great time.
Ahh, an avid fan! Let me know if you want an autographed ball.