Malcolm and I had a tough week. We had a number of knock down, drag ‘em out fights, and we yelled at each other more than we talked. By thursday, we looked at each other with scorn like two boxers before a bout. I was at or near the bottom and needed a day where we could focus on having a good time together and not worry about routines, rules and polite society. So, I designed the perfect date.
We set off after swim class on Friday to engage in some father and son shenanigans. Our first stop was to go bowling. It was amusing, (chucking big rocks at stuff usually is) but since neither one of us had any beer, we didn’t last very long. We left the bowling alley and made a bee line for Nation’s, a chain who’s byline is “Giant Hamburgers.” I love local organic food, but there is definitely a place in my heart for a thick juicy cheeseburger. We feasted and told each other knock knock jokes. It was pure bliss.
After lunch, we decided to hit up the local horse track. Malcolm loves horse tracks, and I love him for it. It combines my two favorite things, short mexican men and gambling. Malcolm and I spied the horses as they came out from the stables and picked our favorites. I usually chose the horse that I thought was the best looking and Malcolm shouted out the first number he saw, or any horse that went to the bathroom while we were watching. We then bet according to our expert research.
While waiting for the race to start, Malcolm and I had our own little races and proceeded to run along the grandstands, parallel to the tracks. This delighted the degenerate gamblers in attendance who smiled at us from behind their racing forms and dirty magazines. We raced back and forth enough that I think the degenerates were actually taking action on us. I could have sworn I heard a giant, “Shit!” when I crossed the finish line before Malcolm in one of our races. We hit a big race ($23 on a $2 bet,) and called it a day. The day was completely as I wanted it to be. We hugged and talked, smiled at each other, and took time off from our adversarial relationship to enjoy each other’s company. Malcolm could not stop talking about all the fun we had and was quick to tell mommy all about how we won $23 on the 7 and 1 horses. I didn’t need to tell mommy anything, she could see the happiness on my face. That look of happiness is probably why she didn’t chew me out for feeding my kid crap to eat, taking him gambling, and let him hang around degenerates who hang out at horse races and read dirty magazines.Win win!
What a long strange trip it has been for us guys. During our neanderthal days, we killed animals on the hunt and took neanderthalettes to keep the cave tidy and raise our young. After some time, we invented church so that we could marry our ladies and then invented new churches so we could divorce them. Then, we invented bread so that we could say that we brought something home every day (even though we had no idea what to do with it when we actually got there.) Things pretty much stalled out there until World War II, where we went out and slaughtered one another, leaving our ladies to go out and work in the factories for a living. Forced to deal with the fact that women wanted to work, we have become more involved in the raising of the children, so much so that some of us have evolved to the point where we are the ones raising the little neanderthals (we may have left the cave, but kids are the same dirty, stinky animals that were raised back in the day.)

