Q & A, Week 4

Posted by Big Daddy Paul in Q & A, Uncategorized

Wow, a whole month of answering readers juiciest dilemmas. I would like to start this post by announcing a few things. First, we got 100 fans! That is so totally cool. Someday, when this blog has 10,000 fans, you can say you were fan #43. Second, the wicked cool folks at Wayfire Media have recently added a “like” button to each post, so, if you like what you see, hit the “like” button. Lucky for me, Facebook doesn’t have an “don’t like” button. Whew. On to the questions!

Diane from Tinseltown has a problem: Her friend has two kids, but no partner. When at social gatherings, the friend asks Diane to look after the kids so that the friend can socialize and drink. Diane is targeted for this duty more often because she is one of the few childless people at the parties. She wants to know whether she should say something.

Diane, you have a couple of options. First, you could pop out a couple a kids yourself! I am sure that your friend was in the same shoes as you and was being asked to look after other kids all the time. What better excuse is there to not look after other kids than have a stable of your own! Knowing you, I am thinking 8 sounds about right. Another option would be to do something drastically idiotic, ensuring that no one will ever ask you to look after their kids again. (This is my favorite!) One easy way to accomplish this would be to start nursing a preschooler. If your friend sees you bringing a protesting four-year-old to your boob, odds are, that’s the last the four-year-old will ever see of you. Shouting loud profanities at the kids will also do the trick (“PUT THAT FUCKING TRUCK DOWN, YOU LITTLE PIECE OF SHIT!” would suffice.) You could talk things through and tell her how it makes you feel, but I am not sure you could have that conversation without sounding like a complete A-hole. I think your strategy is the right one. Agree to look after the little ones, but after you’ve served your time, tell the mom she is back on duty and then hit the bottle. Hard.

Old Man Conrad from (as Malcolm calls it) Missesota asks: “Why does your copyright notice say you wrote this stuff in 2009?  Are you selling us recycled posts?!”

Conrad is avid reader of the blog, and he just turned 40, so Happy Birthday Conrad!!! I bought 500 blog posts in 2009 from a stay at home dad in India. It only cost me $100, so I think it’s been a pretty good deal. After another 280 or so posts, I will be ready to come up with some new material.

Tracy temporarily from Oklahoma asks: “At what age is it first appropriate to let your child carry a concealed weapon?”

If this kid ever gets a gun, I'm dead!

Good question. Wait, what? That’s a horrible question. Who would ask such a thing?! Oh, the Oklahoma Legislature is currently debating this. Mmmkay. I guess if I had to answer, though, I would say that the best time for gun violence to start would be thirteen. I am totally mortified of the teenage years anyways (rampant, sex drugs and rock and roll,) so you might as well throw guns into the mix. That way, I would never, ever be free of worrying. Now that I think of it, Diane this could be another way of solving your problem. Start arming the kids, and you’ll be free and clear!

Great Q’s this week people! If you haven’t submitted a question, yet, do so now. I am keeping score, and you don’t want to lose.

3 responses to “Q & A, Week 4”

  1. Laurie says:

    Any advice on making my teenager’s shoes smell better? Its difficult to be in the same car with them at this point.

  2. Tony Kontzer says:

    Dear Paul: For some reason, my 4-month-old, Max, seems to save up his poops for the moment Sarah, aka “Mommy,” comes home from work and takes over, freeing me from what we all will agree is a crappy duty. Should I feel bad about this, or just snicker smugly as she cleans the breast-milk feces from under her fingernails?

  3. Diane says:

    I think the idea of yelling profanities at the children sounds like a lot more fun – and would certainly deter EVERYONE from asking me to watch their kids – but I guess I’ll go with your advice. Not the one about having 8 kids…the other one. 🙂

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