Oakland is a strange and wonderful place. The city has found itself in the embarrassing position of not having any more money and, to try and make some, they are going crazy with the parking tickets. We have received three in the past month, and I had to go to city hall today to demonstrate that my front license plate had been replaced. Yes, I got a $80 parking ticket for not having my front license plate. Seriously. Those of you who wonder where the license plate went should ask Amy how closely she pays attention to the car in front of her when she is getting on the freeway.
So, with a shiny new license plate and a signature from a cop who swears that the license plate was there, I headed into downtown Oakland to prove that I had fixed my ticket and, in the process, saved $70 off the tab. I noticed that I take a couple of shortcuts in life when I was walking to city hall. The first thing I noticed was the carrying vessel I used for my coffee. Unable to locate my state-of-the-art thermal coffee mug (in the last month) I have resorted to using Malkie’s sippy cup to schlep my coffee around. I also noticed that I took the shortcuts of not combing my hair and not zipping my fly. So, today, the residents of downtown Oakland were treated to the sight of a messy haired man with an unzipped fly taking hits off of a bright orange sippy cup. I was, for all intents and purposed, a very large child walking around without parent. Of course, I didn’t notice any of the above until I walked past some people whereby I realized how much I have let myself go. I need to make some major life changes.
My sense of innocent ignorance stayed with me when I reached the parking office. When I arrived, there was a group of people sitting in the chairs waiting for their turn. I walked in and wanted to say, “Hi there everybody! It’s real nice to meet ya!”, but the angry look in their eyes told me that their response would have been for me to “Shut the fuck up!” One woman seemed greatly displeased at having received a ticket, and was yelling at the poor counter worker. At one point she slammed her fist against the counter to show her rage against the injustice, and when that failed to elicit the dismissal she desired, she stormed out of the room. I secretly believed that she was going to lose, as anyone dumb enough to yell at the counter person at a city office is probably parking in the wrong spot.
I sat their listening to everyone’s sad stories about emergency trips to the store, out of control employees and children who had stolen the car. Over and over I heard the pleas for mercy, and when none came, outrage and defiance. I wanted to get worked up, but I was beating my phone at scrabble, so I was in a pretty good mood. When my number got called, I fixed my ticket and walked out of there with a clean parking bill of health. Now, I just need to work on my appearance.
Tags: paul does silly things, paul in public
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oh my!!!this is probably my fault—i think i have his thermos-cup @ my house!!!