No doubt, I miss this!
As kids grow, your job changes. I am definitely sad that about things Malcolm and I used to do that we no longer do: the shared afternoon nap on the couch, the little sounds he’d make when falling asleep on my chest, the way he’d shriek “daddy!” just when hot moms would lean over his stroller and briefly expose themselves. Yep, a lot stuff to miss. There are, however, some some things I don’t have to do anymore that I am totally and utterly glad I don’t have to do. Here are a few:
Putting on the seat belt. I never knew how much I hated bending over and getting Malcolm strapped into the booster seat until the day when I told him I wasn’t going to do it anymore. I felt like the nudist on the first day of bare-ass naked camp. So free, so unencumbered. I think deep down, I disliked having to put his seat belt on myself because, being in such close proximity, there was always a chance that Malcolm would take a swipe at me and hit me in the face. He can’t reach me in the front seat, and I feel much safer.
Wiping his butt. It may seem like a no-brainer that I would dislike wiping Malcolm’s butt, but I never forgot how awful it was to clean up a poopy diaper. Having to wipe feces out of every nook and cranny in your kid’s backside was a detail oriented task that offended all five of my senses. I hated every second of it, and relished the comparatively small task of wiping Malcolm after he pooped in the toilet. Having just told Malcolm that I am out of the butt wiping game altogether, he now is the exclusive service provider for all aspects of the bowel evacuation process. Now, when he heads into the bathroom with a copy of the Wall Street Journal, I smile at the realization that I have don’t have to do anything.
Getting him dressed. I used to think I liked doing this. In the playground of my mind, I believed that sat and talked and played silly little games that involve underpants covering the neenee, sockies covering toesies, and a ticklefest every time his shirt would go over his head. Seeing other parents get their kids dressed at swim class, though, made me realize the actual process of getting your kids to put clothes on involves cajoling, threats and the child trying to wander off and do anything and everything but get dressed. The parents are exasperated micromanagers who, when they have finally managed to complete their task, can only claim that their child is now dressed and ready to begin their day. Meanwhile, I sit in the corner of the locker room playing scrabble on my phone, and don’t really care how long it takes Malcolm to get ready. Pure bliss.
Any of you glad to be done with a stage of parenting?
Tags: parenting
Loading ...
Making bottles and washing bottles. Ten thousand parts in the dishwasher, so many fussy nipples and worrying about temperature.
Sounds more like a hot tub party than a parenting story!
Actually, I had completely blocked all that out of my memory. There’s probably a reason for that…
I play Scrabble on my phone too! It’s gotten me through countless lectures, best 5 bucks I’ve spent during my college career.
Well, why aren’t we playing? I would love to contribute to your delinquency. In law school, i survived boring lectures by playing yahtzee on my computer. That is until, my seat neighbor turned up the volume on my computer when I was turned around, so that the entire class heard a loud, “GIMME THE DICE!!!!” Ouch.
Dear Paul, Having read para.3, I made a mental note to self to refrain from reading your posts over lunch. Actually, given the content of the vast majority of your posts, I’m amazed it’s taken me so long to reach that decision!!
It’s just like the pool, Louise, please don’t read for one hour after eating. Also, take a shower before and after…
Ditto on the bottle washing. The other big one that we are still doing is brushing teeth. Girl child is always loopy and I am always just done by this time. I can’t wait ’till she starts doing it herself. Hmmmmmm, maybe tomorrow.
Brushing teeth is a tough one. If he wipes his own butt and misses, no long term damage. A case of yuck mouth, however…
Getting them to sit down and eat – I even bore myself. And we only bathe them once a week. They can decide to be clean when they’re old enough to do it themselves.
Can’t wait til virtual parenting allows us to simply plug them in, impart our knowledge and only unplug them for events that we like (sports, recitals etc.) That will be the day…
Wiping/blowing noses. My one year old HATES getting his nose wiped, so much so that last week when I did it for him, he squirmed and my nail cut his nose. My almost five year old on the other hand can blow his own damn nose!! That’s awesome!
The less parenting i have to do, the better.