Ode To A Single Parent

Posted by Big Daddy Paul in Daddy Stories

Amy is out of town this week. At first I was pretty sad, for she was leaving Malkie and I for a long weekend of fun in New Mexico with her college pals while we were left to fend for ourselves. Being a single parent can be quite a challenge: you are there in the morning when they want to start their day, you cover the entire morning ritual solo and get them off to school, you manage any after school activities, and, if you make it through dinner, you close out the day with the nighttime routine. For all your troubles, you get to sit alone on the couch when the kid is in bed and dream of having a conversation that didn’t involve scolding the other party. For all you single parents out there, you are amazing.

I got to thinking last night about my current situation and decided that I had it all wrong. Being a single parent isn’t lousy. It’s the bomb! Here’s why:

Party Time! There may be something on underneath. Then again, maybe not.

1. All the “rules” of civilized society become mere options when you are alone. Bathing, responsible eating, tidiness, heck, even clothing can all now be viewed as things I don’t give a rat’s ass about when Amy is gone. We are currently in the middle of a modern day primordial ooze here, and I, for one, am soaking it up. The uninvited guest may be quite surprised to find us living like Cherokees (with the curious ability to crank out awesome won ton soup,) but I don’t let fear run my life. The rules are relaxed now and so are we.

2. I get to watch whatever I want on TV. I am definitely NOT saying that Amy has bad taste in TV, but when she is gone, it’s Dude TV 24-7. My current rotation involves heavy doses of “It’s Always Sunny In Philadelphia,” and, well, that’s pretty much it. I may throw in a “Pardon The Interruption” or some football games to round out my week, but you just can’t beat the Philly gang for raw, unadulterated fun. Especially when it involves two or three of the following: popcorn, beer, salami, chicken wings, more won tons, or nachos. Evenings around here are epic.

3. I can sleep wherever I want on the bed. Amy enjoys sleeping on her side of the bed in the correct orientation. Now, this is a perfectly normal way to order your life, but, whoa, what if you could sleep in every corner of the bed and at any angle you wanted? Last night, I went reverse cowgirl on my normal position (whatever that means) and wound up with my head near the laundry I had put on the bed and not folded and put away. The liberty is like air in my lungs.

4. Volume. Amy has been working at home this past year. As such, it is generally frowned upon to crank up the jams while chugging through blog posts, and post-Yahtzee celebration dances that resemble mardi gras. Let’s just say that this week, we are making some noise. Er, check that, THIS WEEK WE ARE MAKING SOME NOISE!!! (Insert weird sounding Howard Dean noise.)

There are surely many other reasons to enjoy going solo this week. I am sure that Amy is having a radical time with her friends, but so are we. You should come check us out. Just call first.


One response to “Ode To A Single Parent”

  1. Frank Reynolds says:

    Charlie is going to leave a poop in your bed, and Dee says “suck on that”.

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