Jan 15

My Son Is A Colostomy Bag Named Chachi

Posted by Big Daddy Paul in Daddy Stories

If that title doesn’t grab your attention, then I have no chance, eh? Malcolm has officially stopped taking naps. This is a significant event in a stay at home parent’s life as the nap is only part of the day that you can really get anything done. It also provides a rare luxury when a child is in the house: peace and quiet. Losing the nap, then, means that you are losing the only chunk of the day that you can call your own.  You are, officially, always on the clock with your child. Losing the nap is like losing your colon, forever tethering you to a stinky bag of gas and human waste. Well, maybe that’s a little strong, but losing the nap really is significant, and I hated to see it go.

There are, of course, many ways of dealing with the newfound loss of freedom. Our first line of defense is school. We had Malkie in school until 1 p.m., but when he stopped napping we arranged to have him stay until 3. This has worked out even better for me, since now I had the house to myself and my bevy of poker loving dogs during the week. Why poker loving dogs? Because dogs are actually not very good at playing poker. More money for me!

Cool dude with groupie

Semi-cool dude with groupie

Malcolm has also enjoyed the change at school, now proudly referring to himself as a “Three O’Clocker.”Three O’Clockers are way cooler than those silly little “One O’Clockers,”  who everyone knows are complete poopie pants. The only thing cooler than a Three O’Clocker is a Six Thirtier, who pretty much has the run of the place. They are the Fonzies of Oakland Montessori. Malcolm is almost there, he’s Chachi.
We also started putting Malcolm to bed an hour earlier. He hasn’t quote adapted to his new schedule yet, and there are days when he is a complete monster that I want to put him to bed at about 4:30. Most of the time, though, he goes to sleep around 7. He definitely doesn’t dilly dally at bedtime anymore.

I definitely consider this a work in progress. We have noticed a huge uptick in his tantrums and somewhat random violence. Some days, he is completely out of control and he has actually fallen asleep in his room while confined there for various transgressions. I am taking the patient approach and hope that he will grow into his new schedule. I kinda hope he does so quickly, because the grumpy act is getting old. Or, I need to get a longer tube for the bag.

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