I have a new drug. I have been looking for a new one since I spent an evening on someone’s couch rocking myself out of a bad LSD trip by clinging to a special safety blanket. Alcohol is nice, but, at my age, the day after is getting harder and harder to deal with, especially when you have a three year-old. Marijuana puts me to sleep, I hate needles and I can’t stand anything in my nose. No, all those things have something wrong with them. My new drug is perfect and I love it, heart and soul.
My new drug is Ibuprofen. Oh, soo nice, it makes all the pain in life go away. Malcolm can rampage all day, and 800 milligrams of concentrated magic will make it seem like he is the world’s most well behaved child. Remember what a lot of beer does to you the next day? Ibuprofen goes a long way to erase yesterday’s sins. Every ache, pain, twitch, strain and knot feels better after a few orange pills.
Recently, I have begun playing softball again, and this means that I have been tearing my knee to shreds. I know lose a substantial portion of skin on me knee every game we play, and even though I wear protective cover, the skin gets shaved every time. Things are so bad that I once got a nasty raspberry on me knee when someone waved a piece of tuna in front of it. These scabs are quite thick and painful, and when the wound is in full bloom, I have a hard time bending my knee. The giant scab throbs, and relief only comes when the I-train arrives.
I wonder if my devotion is a little too strong, whether I place to much importance on what is a very one sided relationship. I look for answers to my problems in one place, and that is usually a sign that you have a problem. I try to keep things in perspective though. So what if I live hard, and take anti-inflamatories to deal with the consequences? It’s not like I smoke crack. Maybe one day they will invent a new drug, one that will stop me from doing stupid stuff that gets me hurt. I will tell you this though, there will never, ever be a drug that stops people from waving tuna in front of your legs.
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I always wondered what happened to you when I left town … now I know.
I prefer the green capsules. They enter the blood stream faster.