The holidays are a special time of year to expand our waistlines, prop up the Chinese economy through the purchase of massive quantities of cheap plastic crap, and pretend that we are not bad people by buying our loved ones “thoughtful” gifts. Perhaps the best part of the holidays are the fact that we do the same things every year, ensuring a little consistency from one year to the next. So take a walk down memory lane with me to discover what it is I like about this time:
1. Christmas music. This is undoubtedly my favorite part of the holidays, and one of my biggest character flaws.
I get a lot of these looks during the holidays
I listen to Christmas music pretty much non-stop throughout December and it drives everyone around me nuts. Oh, of course I try to be cool and listen to rock and roll versions of the holiday classics, but that thin veneer melts away when you see me belting out “Oh, Holy Night” by Jewel when I’m in the car driving to the store. This also presents an interesting opportunity to see my singing about God and Jesus, whom I normally don’t reference except in conjunction with the words, “Why have you foresaken me?” during Raider games.
2. Drunken Christmas. The one family event I do every year is to go to my Aunt and Uncle’s house in December with my parents, my aunt and uncle and their close friends. We call it drunken Christmas because we have typically consumed a couple glasses of champagne and a vodka gimlet/manhattan or three within 30 minutes of walking in the door. After we are good and lubricated, we make inappropriate sexual references about one another and then sit down for a full turkey dinner. All this drinking is dangerous, as people have passed out at the dinner table, locked themselves in the bathroom for hours to throw up, and, one year, we had to call my dad an ambulance after he fell and hit his head in the driveway after falling asleep in the car. It’s dangerous alright, but like eating at a buffet, the danger is part of the allure.
3. Holiday Movies. Everyone has their favorites and I am no different. Right now, I am partial to Love Actually, and watch it every year, usually with fresh snickerdoodles straight from the oven. I will usually get roped into A Christmas Story once, and when Amy is not around I will look for Scrooged. Amy and I watched Bad Santa one year, but there is a scene in it where the mom in the Gilmore Girls has risque sex with Santa Claus. Amy loves the Gilmore Girls and won’t watch it for that reason, but I am pretty sure that she doesn’t know about the copy I have hidden in my sock drawer. Please don’t tell her.
4. Won Ton Soup on Christmas Eve. My dad used to be a minister, so Christmas eve was pretty booked. We did, however, carve out some family time by enjoying a quick meal at a local Chinese restaurant, one of the few non-fast food places open on holidays. Nothing cheesy, no groups of waiters singing “deck the halls with bows of horry, fa ra ra ra ra, ra ra ra ra.” Just a time for all of us to be together and have my dad lecture us on the perils of peeking at our Christmas presents. I still crave won ton soup on Christmas eve, and this year we are heading to Chinatown in SF to all share a bowl of soup together.
5. Stressing about New Year’s Eve. The only thing that separates Amy and I from the depth of lameness is my desire to actually be awake at midnight on New Year’s Eve. She doesn’t share my obsession to differentiate ourselves from our parents (who are all asleep when the new year presents itself), so I have to fight the battle on two fronts. I have to find something for us to do every year, and then convince Amy that it is actually worth doing. Usually the plans fall pretty flat, involving the words “Trivial Pursuit” and “It’s only Ten O’Clock?” I am supremely jealous of friends that have established plans during the New Year’s Eve, and even more outraged that they keep denying my requests to join them. (If you are out there and reading this, please invite me to your New Year’s Eve party. I’ll bring the Christmas music, and chances are pretty slim that you’ll need to call an ambulance for me at the end of the night. Who could ask for more?!)
That’s us, what do you do for the holidays?
Tags: Holidays
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