I took Malcolm to his first Giants game as a fully functioning person yesterday. 
He is really into the Giants and he can recite the roster by position (with the exception of part-time left fielder and second baseman Eugenio Velez, pronounced "Ay-Yu-Hen-eeo.") I decided I hadn’t been to a Giants game in far too long, so when Amy suggested I took Malcolm to a day game, I leaped at the opportunity.
We had to stop at the nearby Safeway before the game, and we passed a big black dude in the aisle. Malcolm took a look at him and asked, "Daddy, is that fat brown guy Pablo Dandoballs?" I have grown accustomed to Malcolm making derogatory comments about strangers, so I handled this the usual way. I sprinted away from him and muttered something like, "I think all the players are already in the dugout. Let’s go find some sun screen!"
At the game, Malcolm was a gem! We watched around six innings of the game, and Malcolm made a good showing at the tot baseball diamond by slamming a whiffle ball off of a ball park employee’s knee. During the game, I taught Malcolm to say, "Grab some pine, meat!" when the opposing player struck out. The first time he was able to bust it out, he yelled, "Put some meat in my hand!" After some coaching, he responded to a strikeout by yelling, "Grab some pie, matey!" Not quite there yet, but we are making progress.
We thoroughly enjoyed the game, he sat in my lap most of the time so I could point out where the ball was heading. Of course, this meant that he kicked the old woman sitting in front of us in the head a couple times. I should have been more concerned, but at least he didn’t call her a dried up bag o’ bones.
Tags: baseball, Malcolm says funny things
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