Malcolm’s Using The F-Word And He’s Not Saying “Fudge”

Posted by Big Daddy Paul in Malcolm Stories

There aren’t many times where, as a parent, I am left speechless. Actually, there aren’t many times in general that I am speechless. I like to talk like Sarah Palin likes to buy shoes. In terms of parenting, though, I am usually up for anything, quick to counsel Malcolm for rascally behavior or provide praise in when he actually does something cool. This morning, however, I had nothing. Malcolm used the word, “fuck.” Many times. All I could really do was laugh.

This morning’s incident is really a carryover from Sunday at the airport. In the terminal restroom, Malcolm took off his socks and underpants and accidentally dropped them in the toilet. There are so very many things wrong with that statement, we cut Malcolm a lot of slack and you have to pick and choose your fights with a four-year-old. After finishing up, he put his cold, toilet water-soaked underpants back on, and when they were fully on, he found them to be quite “refreshing.” “Aw nuts,” he exclaimed, followed by “Oh fuck it’s cold!” And continued, “Oh Fuck, oh fuck, oh fuck, fuck fuck fuck.” When Amy cautioned him about using that word, he ran down the terminal yelling, “I HAVE TO say fuck. I GOTTA say fuck. Fuck Fuck Fuck!”

Someone's got a dirty mouth

This morning, he dropped some more F-bombs while horsing around with Amy. At first, I didn’t know what to say, and let it slide. Unable to remain silent for long, I meekly added, “Malcolm you really shouldn’t say that word. Some people think it is a bad word and you could get in trouble for it,” to which he replied, “I don’t get in trouble at school when I say it!” I crooked my head and asked him if he really said that word at school and he said, “I say fuck ALL the time.” I really had no answer to this and ran downstairs so he couldn’t tell how hard I was laughing.

I don’t know if I really care all that much, as I have a pretty epic potty mouth myself. I try not to swear around Malcolm and know that Amy does too. (Although if I hear him use the phrase, “your fucking father” I will know exactly where it is coming from!) I’d be fine if I knew that Malcolm knew when he could say words like that and when it is inappropriate. (I definitely don’t think that he would know that now.) Dropping F-bombs at school will probably have some ramifications, but I will let the school deal with it if it becomes an issue. Other parents might get upset if Malcolm is throwing around the F-word at the park, but they are probably already going to be upset because Malcolm threw wood chips in their kid’s hair or because my fly is down and I am tending the BBQ instead of being a parent.

Should I care?

8 responses to “Malcolm’s Using The F-Word And He’s Not Saying “Fudge””

  1. kc says:

    Thanks for the head’s up. So when Henry starts dropping the f-bomb after our visit tonight I’ll know where it came from. Not me! Not me!!!!

  2. Nanci says:

    I think it is funny too……but I do remind them that some words are adult words, not bad, but only adults use them. When they are an adult they can use them too!!! Zach kept repeating “Fucking Dog” and Gavin is famous for “Hey Bitch over here!” Both very funny to me!!!! Good luck, we all go through this.

    • Amy says:

      Wow, Nanci – I can so picture Darryl saying that stuff 🙂 (especially the dog part)

      I like the whole “adult” thing … that seems to work at 4 (for now) … as in this alcohol is just for adults and this awesome word that happens to rhyme with luck and truck is for adults. I think he just might buy it!

  3. Jean says:

    Oh, my gosh! I have no idea how I’ll react when he does this in front of me. I’ll probably pass out from laughing so hard.

  4. I think that is how George Carlin got his calling. He said the F-word in front of Grammy and he heard a calling.

  5. Beau says:

    I’m all about context – if the kid is dropping the F-bomb when its appropriate (like the socks, underwear, airport toilet thing), then its okay in my book.

    I’m not sure I can imagine a context when its right at school.

    The problem with the F-bomb usage and kids is they’re never quite sure of the right context for it.

    And I’d probably be dropping a lot of F-bombs if my kids socks and underwear ended up in the airport toilet, too!

  6. […] Kids learn to swear from many different sources. If you are like me, you spend most of your time following rules of polite society, but the one time your kid throws your Iphone in the toilet and you yell, “WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING?”, it makes an impact. Even if, however, you have the tongue of a priest (a sober one, at least) there are many people in your life that won’t. For all your hard work in biting your tongue when your toddler bites you in the back fat, there will be a drunk relative or forgetful friend that swears like a sailor. (Or, you may just know a sailor!) Will chaining your kid to the water heater in a convent keep them from hearing dirty words? Not if they go to school! Kids will learn most of the dirty words they know from other kids. You can choose to believe that when kids are huddled around the corner of the school playground they are talking about favorite cotton candy flavors, but you’d be wrong. They are bargaining in obscenities, which, I assume mostly consists of who can use the F-word the most in a sentence. Not surprisingly, Malcolm has had fits of of his own F-Bomb usage. […]

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