Malcolm is not a complicated person. The are certain things in his life, like chocolate and talking about whether his poop will successfully flush down the toilet, that always make him happy. He constantly craves mac ‘n cheese, regularly wants to watch Giants baseball games, and every I ask him to brush his teeth, he hides behind the bathroom door first. He is, in almost every way, a creature of habit.
It is, then, quite surprising when we are out in the world and someone asks Malcolm a question about what he would like. The truth is, I have no idea how he will answer. 
Like a TV contestant who folds under the pressure, Malcolm responds to such queries by blurting out the first thing that comes to his mind. When asked by the lady handing out balloons what color balloon and string he wanted, he said, "pink, and green." I almost snorted in disbelief, as he has told me about 500,000 times that his favorite colors and blue and brown. Pink and green don’t even go together, but he seemed to like the balloon nonetheless.
This trend is especially noticeable at the ice cream counter. Malcolm spends most of his day figuring out how to get me to give him some chocolate, but when ordering ice cream he somehow forgets his obsession with the cocoa bean and orders flavors like lemon, strawberry, or, as he likes to call it, baneewa. I try to point out to him all of the different flavors that have chocolate, but he adamantly insists that the simple flavors are what he wants. I feel a little sorry for him, but Malkie gets what Malkie wants, so I let him order by himself.
Sometimes, he does this when just introducing himself out in public. When asked what his name is, he says, "I’m Malcolm and I am three and three quarters," or, "I’m Malcolm, I have a blue dog." He recently told the librarian his age and added, for good measure that, "Pablo Sandoballs has a big belly." Unsure if the librarian would understand just what this meant, he stuck out his belly, looked down at it, and then looked at the librarian as if to say, "See what a big belly looks like?"
Invariably, the inquisitor shoots me a look as if to confirm that what he just said is what he actually meant. Occasionally, the look is more to wonder what the hell is wrong with the kid. Most of the time I shrug my shoulders in an effort to convey my confusion as well, but sometimes I have his back. I sneered right back at the balloon lady thinking, "Damn straight pink and green. My boy is a regular Salvador Dali !"
Tags: Malcolm says funny things
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