Malcolm has been acting strange at the park. On Wednesdays, after dismal soccer practices, Malcolm and his friend, Samara, have been taking me and Samara’s dad, Luke, over to a small amphitheater, where they have begun singing musicals. At first, they just sort of sang gibberish and marched around. Luke and I seemed uninterested, staring off into space and, gasp, even talking to each other during the performance. 
They realized that they needed production values and a theme for each musical. So, they upped their game.
Their first real musical was about clams. They had been digging around in an old creek and found some clam shells. I do not know much about anything, so I said clams used to have feet and wandered around on land. Luke shook his head and told them that this whole area used to be underwater and the clams lived in the bottom of the ocean then. I concurred, although I secretly believe that my explanation is almost as plausible. With props in hand, Malcolm and Samara marched around on stage clapping and singing the word "clam" and then any other word that rhymed with clam. A typical verse went, "Clam, Clam, Clam. Clam got no hand. Clam in the Gam. Clam, Clam, Clam. Clam eat land. Clam in the pan, Clam stand." We laughed pretty hard at this, causing the kids to start laughing and foaming at the mouth. I took this as a sign that Malcolm was bitten by a dog when I wasn’t looking, but fortunately Luke told me that they were simply making the same frothy mouth that a clam makes when it is scared. (Once again, I secretly believed my explanation until I got home and found no evidence of Malcolm being bitten by a bat.)
The next week, Malcolm and Samara invented a new musical. It was all about stealing people’s hats. They pranced about on stage like ponies singing "gonna steal your hat! Gonna steal your hat!" until they ran up into the seats and tried to steal my hat. I picked up on some clues that this was about to happen, and so, luckily, they did not in fact steal my hat. They kept trying, but I never let them actually get my hat. After about ten minutes, I decided that this was the worst musical that I had ever seen. I never thought I would say this, but I missed the clam song.
Tags: Malcolm says funny things
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In my house the musical is "Momma Mia" (thanks to my mom taking the girls a few weeks ago) and since they don't know the words it's just a lot of "Momma Mia here I go again…" (oy!)