Let’s Put Big Food Outta Business

Posted by Big Daddy Paul in Cooking and Eating

Now, I am not talking about giant steaks or plates of nachos that will make your colon cringe.  Those things will be around for a long time and for good reason.  I am talking about large agricultural companies that put tons of crap in their food and are secretly trying to poison your dog.  Well, I have no proof of the last part, but still, processed food is not good for you.  I say eat whatever the hell you want, just use real food to make it.  All those companies out there putting crap in our food: look the hell out!

Item #1 – Hashbrowns.  Hashbrowns don’t need to be frozen and taste like cardboard.  I had a bunch of potatoes sitting around from a recent shipment of our produce box the other morning and I thought, “Why not turn these lumpy brown tubers into a tasty breakfast treat?”  So, I did, and you can too! Just peel the potatoes, grate them with a cheese grater, and then cook them in a non-stick pan with oil or butter (maybe four or five minutes a side).  It’s easy, and it is way cheaper than paying a big food company to process the food and make it worse for you.  I think I ended up paying around $.12 for those hashbrowns, and they tasted better than lame excuse for hashbrowns that they freeze and give to you in a plastic bag. Paul: 1, Big Food: 0.

Item #2 -Applesauce.  Don’t go buying a big jar of that expensive, crappy applesauce with a bunch of extra sugar, unnecesary ingredients and the large severed human ear that inevitably makes its way into the batch.  Whenever you have a hankering for what the French refer to as sauce of the apple, just do this: peel an apple, core the apple, put the pieces in a blender, turn blender on, and then enjoy the freshest most delicious applesauce you have ever tasted.  We use fuji apples, but I would think almost any variety would do.  Sure, you’ll have to clean your blender, but you should have been spending more time with your blender anyways.  What kind of blender owner are you?  Cost for a bowl of applesauce: $.69.  Paul: 2, Big Food: 0.

Item #3 Popcorn. A long time ago, when times were simpler, we all drank in the morning and smoked in bed.  Back then, popcorn was not made in a microwave.  I am glad to say that we have broken the chains of bondage and no longer make popcorn in the microwave.  Neither should you.  Add a generous amount of canola oil to a saucepan, and fill the bottom of the pan with a layer of popcorn.  Put a cover on that pan, because there’s gonna be an explosion, a flavor explosion! Shake the popcorn pan every now and again until it pops regularly.  Then keep shaking it until it stops popping.  Pour the popcorn out into a bowl, add a little pat of butter into the pan to melt in, then put back about half of the popcorn into the pan to coat with butter.  After returning all of the popcorn to the bowl, add a couple shakes of salt and toss.  I guarantee that you will not find better popcorn for watching 30 Rock, and it is quicker to make than loading a bag of bizarre orange shit into a tin box and zapping it with invisible rays.  This popcorn is so good it will make you want to drink in the morning and smoke in bed, and a bowl of it costs around $.50.  Paul: 4, Big Food: 0.  That last one was a blowout.

Putting large agricultural businesses into bankruptcy is a fun and tasty way to spend your nights and weekends.  I highly suggest you try it.  You can buy everything you need for these three items in bulk or in the produce aisle, so you will need little or no packaging, making the earth proud of your gluttony.  It is cheaper and may even be quicker than the processed versions.  Better yet, most of this stuff will come to you in a local, organic produce box, so feel free to order one of those.  I am not saying you need to eat perfectly, I sure don’t.  Just doing little things like these three things, though,gets us pointed in the right direction.

Anyone else got any tricks up their sleeves?  Anyone found a severed ear in their applesauce?

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4 responses to “Let’s Put Big Food Outta Business”

  1. Laurie says:

    yeah, I have one

    Laurie’s Soup

    Take 4 or 5 large carrots. Wash them, you don’t need to peel them, cut them up in reasonably small pieces and throw them in a sauce pan with some olive oil. Then take about 1/2 an onion, cut it up and throw it in there. Peel some ginger root (about 1 tablespoon) cut it up and add it. Cook on med heat until veggies are softened but not browned.
    Add 3-4 T of butter , some chicken bouillon, a few cups of water and a little curry powder (if you like curry). Boil it until it reduces by about half and then blend it until smooth.
    Add salt or more chicken bouillon to taste.
    Its good. Very healthy and under a dollar.

  2. Louise says:

    Paul, don’t get big-headed, but you rock yet again!
    I don’t much like hashbrowns or popcorn, but you have definitely just made me rethink the convenient little ‘just in case’ plastic tubs of apple sauce I keep in the cupboard …just in case we have pork. I do love my apple sauce with pork! However, I’ve invariably got fresh apples in the house too!
    So, I promise you, from now on, it’s an apple in the blender, and I’ll put up with the mess! 🙂
    Thank you for your posts!
    Every one of them makes me smile (or makes me go ‘eeeeeeyuuw’ which is even more fun!)

  3. Tracy Weitz says:

    I don’t even peel the apple. Get great sauce and even simpler.

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