I am a full-time stay at home parent, and there are times when I feel like I have no idea who my kid is. Oh sure, I think I am an expert, perfectly understanding every little nuance of our son, but once in a while he’ll do something so odd that I just have to scratch my head, like when he came in from playing basketball in the driveway and licked the couch. When he throws a tantrum over his desire to wear his shirt backwards or laughs hysterically because he calls me a robot, I wonder how long I am going to be able to keep him out of the county public health system. I
I don't know what's on his face, and I'm not sure I want to.
laugh when he wakes up in the morning wearing completely different clothing than when we put him to bed, although I am secretly glad that he is wearing any clothing at all. In short, the kid is nuts.
Malcolm is equally unpredictable when speaking. Many of his conversations begin with, “Daddy, I love you,” which is nice, but I never know where the rest of the talk is headed. “Daddy, I love you. Do bears eat rabbits?” One time he said, “Daddy, I love you. Waldis Joaquin,(a Giants pitcher currently in the minor leaugues,) weighs 245 pounds.” Don’t get me wrong, imaginations are usually a good thing, but when your son expresses his love for you and then backs it up with, “Can I show off my meatballs?” you get a little worried.
Perhaps nothing exposes his oddities quite as well as his treatment of underwear. He very rarely does anything out of the ordinary with, say, a shirt or his jeans. His cluster grabbers, however, have gone on his head, around his arms and even on his feet. What is it about underwear that kids find so entertaining? He also thinks that adult underpants are an endless source of fun, using my boxers as home base for his pretend baseball games and mommy’s bra as a coin-collecting vessel. Rest assured, he will continually find interesting and entertaining things to do with underpants, and they will not include using them in the manner to which they were intended.
That’s definitely one good thing about being a parent: you never know what’s around the corner. Even when the mysteries should be large, red warning flags, they are good a for a few laughs afterwards.
Tags: Malcolm says funny things
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I’m fairly certain I have a picture of you with boxers on your head, so obviously your son is carrying on the tradition. Your family is gorgeous and hilarious, Paul, good job! – Megan (Camp Celebration)
Megan! The bad thing about old friends is that they have compromising photos of you. If you post them, I will mark you as spam, rest assured.
You boy sounds like he is a lot of fun. That’s a good thing, even if a bit weird. Natural creativity.
We are embracing his weirdness and hope that it won’t be around in, say, 20 years. Fingers: crossed.
Dylan’s learning from Malcolm. Yesterday she licked my back. Fortunately, I was wearing a shirt, but still … it gave me the jeebies. By the way, the posse misses you. They keep asking, “Hey, where’s Paul? Where’s Paul, hey, where’s … oh look, a squirrel.
I have set up Malcolm’s army of stuffed animals by the door so that I can feel like a superhero when walking out the door. They have yet to bring me any dead animals as tribute though…
Okay so I know a while back I commented something regarding my daughter quite possibly being the girl version of Malcolm…and now I am convinced this is true! Lately she tells me “Mommy, I love you” multiple times a day and it is always followed by a random thought or question or a demand like “get me some milk”…or she just says it because she wants to talk but has nothing else to say. Friends who hear this think it is totally cute…but for me it is wearing off because I hear it all the time and the sentiment has been lost a bit:) Just funny to hear he does this too…
I get that. It’s like, “I love you” isn’t an expression of affection, it’s punctuation to begin a sentence!