How to Survive The Holidays

Posted by Big Daddy Paul in Uncategorized

The holidays can be a fun time filled with family and friends.  Of course, your family and friends may eventually drive you nuts, so a lot of people are stressed and irritated during this time.  How do beat the holiday blues? I have the solution!

1.  Drink interesting drinks (with alcohol in them).  Sure, beer and wine are nice, but the holidays provide a guilt free reason to get drunk on silly concoctions.  Take advantage! Make some egg nog from scratch and drown it in rum.  Add vodka to any red juice and call it a Christmastini.  Mull some wine, whatever that means.  It doesn’t really matter what you do, just the effort it takes to make a holiday themed drink will make you feel a little cheerier.  Plus, they will give you the liquid courage you need to make it through all of the events you have with friends and family around.

2.  Talk to yourself when you are alone. I like this one.  Whenever I am in a crappy mood, I start narrating my life to myself, at a volume that is somewhere between deaf person and Rain Man.  “I AM GOING TO GO DOWNSTAIRS NOW AND MAKE MY LUNCH.  I’M GONNA HAVE SALAMI!!!”  It works in the car, too, “OH, CRAPPY OLD DODGE YOUR LEFT REAR TIRE IS LOW.  TIME TO CHANGE THE RADIO STATION!!!”  I guarantee that it will lighten your day.  This may seem a little mentally unbalanced, but my internet research has shown me that it’s only crazy if you talk to yourself when other people are around.

3. If all else fails, pretend you are someone else.  Repetition breeds misery,  so if you are tired of the “same old same old,” go about your holiday schedule as if you were someone famous.  I recently shopped for food for a dinner party while pretending to be Jack Nicholson. Some interactions were OK, like when the lady at the meat counter said “hello” and I told her that she made me want to be a better man.  Things went disastrously wrong though when the cashier at the checkout counter asked if I wanted paper or plastic and I screamed at him, “YOU CAN’T HANDLE THE TRUTH!!!”  If you host a party this year, I strongly suggest that you take on the persona of the man of the hour, Jesus himself, fluttering around in a pretend robe, doing good deeds like filling up people’s drinks and ensuring that there is enough bread for the guests.  Of course, you never ever want to tell people what you are up to.  It’s a little embarrassing to reveal to your party guests that you think you are Jesus Christ without them raising an eyebrow as to how much you have had to drink.

4. Lastly, smile.  IMG_2407Studies have shown that the mere act of smiling will make you happier.  So, if you are feeling stressed out over the things you have to do, or the things you have not yet done, just smile and you will feel better.  So turn that frown upside down and everything will be just fine.  If that don’t work, it may make you happy to realize that the guy in the car next to you thinks he is Jesus and is talking loudly about the air in your tires.

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