How to Make an Awesome Breakfast Without Really Cooking
Posted by Big Daddy Paul in UncategorizedMany of you are wondering how they can make a greasy hangover-curing breakfast while lying in bed. Or, maybe you just prefer to sit and read the paper while your kitchen appliances make breakfast for you. Perhaps you actually like your child(ren) and enjoy spending quality time with them in the morning. (Ack!) Whatever the reason, prepare to have your breakfast world rocked.
Bacon – 1) Put slices of bacon on a foil lined cookie sheet and stick in the oven. I like bacon, and recommend about 15 slices per person. (Reduce the per person serving if your significant other starts to refer to you as “bacon boy,” which has NEVER EVER happened to me.) Stick sheet in oven. 2) Turn oven on to 400 degrees. Try to restrain yourself from licking the outside of the oven door, as it will soon start to make your house smell like it is Christmastime in Baconville. I thought this was a joke, but it turns out, Baconville is just outside of Amherst, Massachusetts. Good gravy I want to move there. Just imagine! 3) Start checking the bacon in about 15 minutes and let cook until the bacon is the right level of crispiness. This approach is great; no smoke, no splatter, no worries over forgetting to flip the bacon because you are getting injury updates for your fantasy football team. Plus, you can cook a ton of bacon at the same time. I mean that. A ton!
Eggs – After the bacon has been in the oven for around five minutes, 1) fill up a pan with water and bring to a boil. 2) Add two tablespoons of vinegar. “What?” you say, “Vinegar in the egg hot tub, that sounds gross!” It is gross! Like a dominatrix at a CPA convention, the vinegar keeps the eggs in check and will make them turn out thick and fluffy. Don’t worry though, we’ll wipe of the vinegar later. 3) Put the eggs in water. It’s better if you crack each egg in its own little bowl first and then gently slide the eggs into the water, but feel free to ignore this to save time/dishwashing labor. 4) Cover the pan with the lid, turn off the heat and let sit for 5 minutes. If you are cooking 4 eggs let them sit for 6 minutes, 6 eggs for 7 minutes etc. This all will vary depending on how runny you like your eggs, how hungry you are, and how late your kids are for school. If you are cooking for a lot of people, use a couple of pans. 5) Take the eggs out with a slotted spoon, put on a paper towel and tamp dry to get the vinegariness off. 6) Put the eggs on some some toast and pile the plate high with bacon. This breakfast takes about 2 minutes of active work but will sit in your gut for years. Think of it as spackle for your colon. And now, the spackle is as easy as ever to make! You are welcome, see you in Baconville.
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Have you tried chacon? Chocolate covered bacon. It can also be made in the oven. BTW that bacon poster almost broke one of my ribs. Ouch.
Awesome advice. My favorite breakfast for sure!