How Old Is Too Old To See You Naked?

Posted by Big Daddy Paul in Malcolm Stories

As kids grow up, you are often forced to reconsider situations that were perfectly acceptable for young kids. Childbirth is a perfectly natural and wonderful thing, but do you really want your Kindergartener mucking about your uterus? I think not. The issue has been coming up a lot more recently and here are the the things that Malcolm used to do that are now seeming a bit weird:

There's something that just doesn't sound right about saying, "Malcolm, quit playing Scrabble on my phone and hop into bed for a snuggle."

Snuggling in bed. Is there anything better than an early morning cuddle with your young child? Provided it is not before your preferred wake up time, little tiny infants and toddlers crawling around your bed giving hugs and kisses is pretty cool. Whereas the young child eagerly awaits such time, the older kids must be coaxed into it, mostly because they can see the desperation in your eyes. When we force Malcolm to do it now, it is an endless morass of gangly arms and legs more reminiscent of a octopus fight than a tender scene between parent and child. Amy may go after my head for suggesting that the end of snuggle time is near, but it’s just not the same anymore.

Kiss before school. Every day before school, I lean over and tell Malcolm to plant one on my cheek. He readily agrees and it signifies the transition in his day from being my kid to being a student. It has worked out well for both of us, except when he has done a poor job of washing his face after breakfast and I get a cheek full of jelly and milk. When I look around at the drop offs for his elementary school, I don’t see much in the way of hugging and kissing. Kids, if anything, casually nod to their parents in an expression of affection usually reserved for the British royal family. Of course, I would like to continue our little tradition, but I do not want Malcolm to become known on the playground as a “Daddy Kisser.” That can’t be good.

Seeing you naked. Kids love staring at their naked parents. We have all sorts of stuff that they don’t got, and they like noting the differences, doubly so when it has been a long time since any manscaping has taken place. I am certainly not anti-naked, as anyone who has been to one of my birthday parties can attest. But, while it is much easier to get dressed while you are talking to your kids,  at some point it you have to ask yourself, “Should they be watching this?” It’s possible that the development of a sophisticated vocabulary is the main problem here. Little tiny kids point at parts of the body and use cute words like, “boobies” or “nee nees.” When your kid points at you and says, “Schlong” or “Vajayjay” it might be time to start locking them out of your room.

Perhaps I am jumping the gun a little here, and some of you will zealously defend your naked snuggle time or wet sloppy good byes on the school yard. (I will however draw a pretty firm line at playing around in the uterus.) This just seems like one of those times when it pays to be ahead of the curve rather than behind.


4 responses to “How Old Is Too Old To See You Naked?”

  1. dennyp says:

    I’ve come to the realization that I don’t want my kids to see me naked anymore. They are 3 and 6, and I just don’t want them to think that every daddy is this fat and disgusting looking! I don’t want them to think that it’s okay to let yourself get like this! I also find that I have a bit of a different attitude towards kissing with the boy and the girl. My daughter is 6 and she can kiss me goodbye for as long as she wants, yet my 3 year old boy is already going the way of a cool guy “high five.”

  2. Our Mom Spot says:

    Every family is different.

    This is an excellent topic!

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