I stared at the screen and could hardly believe it. Malcolm’s fourth birthday party was last Sunday and a parent sent us a thank you email for inviting their kid. In it, the parent commented, “Especially noted was Malcolm’s gentle and gracious behavior.” Wow, someone not related by blood thought Malcolm was well behaved. I rubbed my eyes and double checked the sender to see if it was one of the guys in my dad’s group playing a prank on me. It was not and the woman who sent the email didn’t look drunk at the birthday party. So, I took her at her word, and it made my day. Actually, it kinda made my last four years.
Parenting is hard. Really fucking hard. You start with a little piece of shit that is essentially useless, except if you find any utility in waking up in the middle of the night a couple of times. Then, the baby starts to eat real food and you realize just how savagely disgusting another person’s poo is. Shortly thereafter, boys develop a keen sense of agility, so that they are more efficiently able to bite, kick, scratch, punch and shove other kids. Finally, your child learns to speak, just in time to learn how to say that he hates you and doesn’t want to be your friend anymore.
While all this is happening, you convince yourself that your kid is not that bad. He says, “Please and thank you” most of the time. He eats some broccoli every so often. He can hit a baseball, and one time he told you that he loved you at the end of a very long and difficult day. Parents are always trying to convince themselves that their kid is not a bad kid, and that there is a reason they should continue being parents. When we do this, I know that we are essentially deluding ourselves and that we are raising a monster, but I don’t care. You tell yourself what you need to hear to go on parenting.
One day, however, they are bound to do something that makes you very happy. At his birthday party, Malcolm ran around a gymnastics studio with 20 or so of his favorite friends with a huge smile. He looked like he was really enjoying himself, and did so for the entire party. Later, we asked him what he liked best about the party and he said, “Everything!” Needless to say, we were extremely excited to see him so happy, and even more excited that he had fun without being a complete asshole to his friends. Then, when one of his friends’ mom emailed us to say that she saw it too, we were ecstatic. 
To see that someone else thoght that our son was “gentle and gracious,” that this was not one of those times we had to invent reasons to love Malcolm, made us both really happy. And for that, I would say it was a really happy birthday for all of us.
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Wow, I take back what I said about him being on monster on Friday evening!
Wish I could edit my response … Proof-reading is important!
Well, he was bound to have a good day eventually. Just kidding, you guys do an amazing job.
Even a blind squirrel gets the nut sometimes!
There are people who send thank you notes for being invited to a birthday party. Geez people, can you quit being so darn perfect, you’re giving me a complex. I have enough trouble getting thank you’s out for actual gifts received!
-Meg
We still have three thank you notes that need to go out!