We headed out to begin our day by walking along the Seine. We walked on the right bank (I think) and the rue alongside us was a three lane rue which was a one way rue headed in the opposite direction. I noticed with great amusement that a taxi was going the wrong way up the street (against the great current of other cars honking at it and gesturing wildly was they went by). The taxi finally spun around and proceeded to stall out while blocking two lanes of traffic. I took satisfaction in learning that I am not the only one with driving difficulties here. I was a little concerned for the tourists in the back of the taxi who mouthed the words “help me!” as they went by, and I guess laughing and pointing at them in their hour of need was not what Jesus would have done. Maybe he would have. Maybe he was the one driving the cab, I don’t know…
Lunch and Louvre Gardens
Lunch was a pretty stellar panini with melted ham, cheese, pickle and potato. I am told this was a Panini Swiss, and i can’t help but wonder which Swiss person thought up this configuration. A sandwich with potato in it? Oh well, it worked. I know you are wondering how I decide where to stop for my food. Well, the first two criteria I have is that the place must be accessible by stroller and not have any lines. That knocks out about 99.6% of the places, so whatever I find first after the first criteria are met I generally stop at. I guess the other trick I use is to get near the place I would like to go see and then walk two blocks out of the way to rid myself of the overly tourist stops. Then, I leave any place that has anyone speaking English in them, for that place is likely to be half as good for twice the money.
So we got to the Louvre gardens and this is not the place I remember. Amy and I spent a good deal of time here on our previous trip to Paris, and we absolutely loved it. We would take a bottle of wine, a hunk of cheese and some bread and waste a few hours eating drinking and talking. We were son young and stupid then. How could we have spent all that time just talking? Our room had a perfectly good TV set in it! I thought the Louvre gardens were paradise. It turns out that they are shabby, like an old man’s coat. The place is not kept up well, and there isn’t any sense that you are at something special. Man, how memories play tricks on you. This was similar to the experience we had last May, when we took Daniel, Suzi, Betsy and Derek to a place we had loved in Cabo San Lucas many years before, only to find that it sucked, big time. Oh well, there is always time to make new favorite memories…
At the park within the Louvre gardens, Malcolm was not making any friends. He promptly went up to a girl who was on one of the teeter totters, pulled her hair, and yelled at her to get off of it. He looked a lot like Calvin in the Calvin and Hobbs cartoon. I don’t know where he is learning these “tricks,” and I don’t like it. She followed him around for a while plotting her revenge and then made her move when he fancied a coke bottle cap. After he dropped it, she ran up, picked up the bottle cap and then took off with it. A dry sinister smile came over her face as she realized her sweet revenge on her attacker. Malcolm, ever the toddler, just turned and ran off to some other shiny object, unaware of the dispensation of justice that had just occurred. Here is a picture of Malcolm hanging onto one of the many death traps in the park:
You should have seen him staggering around after riding this thing for a few turns. He looked like Daddy on Wednesday night after softball and Poker!
Young women here are wearing a lot of baby doll dresses. Courtney Love used to wear dresses like this, except these are much shorter. Sometimes I think I can see underpants, so I double take and then I realize that I have been spotted staring at crotch. I less suave man might not get away with it, but I just stare at someone else’s crotch, then Malcolm’s crotch and then my own, until it is clear that I stare at crotches instead of making eye contact. This has helped me out of more than one jam. Try it sometime!
Near the playground there is a merry-go-round. It is a faded and sad merry-go-round, with depressing music playing in the background and is virtually empty. For some reason, I feared for my personal safety and was pretty sure I was going to be attacked by vampires. No idea why mind you, but such is the power of the vampire. 
That was us, right before the Nosferatu was to strike. Just to be safe, I decided to buy a crucifix and some garlic, and watch the Lost Boys before I returned there.
A Couple of Observations
I saw a kid wearing a superman t-shirt today, and I realized I would really like to buy Malcolm a shirt like that, so he could be super and fly around the apartment. Then, I realized that the t-shirt said Sperman and the “S” on the logo was actually a slithery sperm in the shape of an S. This was a 5 year old mind you. Some parents are shameless with what they put their kids through.
Paris is one giant make-out party. People unabashedly get after it in public and it’s a little shocking to see at times. And this is not just young fools in love, kissing by the Seine in the light of the moon. This can be two computer geeks licking each other’s faces while standing next to you in the gelato line, while their glasses rubbing up against each other like coke bottles jostling in the delivery truck. Or it could be two people straddling each other on a park bench gyrating against each other while desperately trying to cleanse each other’s tonsils. Then, during our evening park session, a fifty year old man and thirty something girlfriend were lying on top of each other right next to the park, deep kissing, necking, even pulling each other’s shirts up. To make it worse, they were grotesque, extraordinarily ugly people, who did not at all seem a good match for each other. Since Malcolm was playing right next to them, I got a front row seat. I tried to avert my eyes, but it was a train wreck, I kept looking back and shaking my head in disbelief as to what was unfolding before my very eyes. After they finally left, I felt like I needed a cigarette. Also, I gotta buy some sun glasses so I am not so obvious when I stare at the PDA’s.
Dinner: Poulet Booyah!
If Jesus has come back, and he is not a cab driver learning the rules of the road, he is a rotisserie chicken. Malcolm and I ate him tonight and he was delicious. Unbelievably delicious, as you would expect the Son of God to be. He had ultra crispy skin, moist, juicy interior meat, and flavor that c
annot be explained in words. Only a cherub choir singing high notes would explain what happens when you taste the Jesus chicken. Often, I would take a bite, pockets of juice would explode and all the rest of the world would melt away. Malcolm loved the drumstick, and he gulped this down in about 3 bites. 
My eyes lowered to half mast, and I never put the chicken down while eating, firmly keeping two elbows on the table at all times with sweat and chicken juice pouring down my face. I couldn’t take a picture of myself during this flavor orgy, but this is how I probably looked 
Definitely get a roti chicken if you are ever here, at € 1.90 per leg thigh combo, they are cheap and tasty.
Amy was missing from dinner tonight as she was networking at the Euro conference. Not surprisingly she didn’t return until 1AM, staying out partying with the Parisians. Oh, she says that she left at 10:30 and then spent over an hour walking around the streets of Paris, lost and without a map. The stink of wine and Yeti betray her lies, though, and I can tell that she has been frequenting the Matterhorn at Euro Disney again. If she would only bring me…
It’s very odd, your reaction to your partner’s return home. I was actually a bit concerned over her well being since she is usually not one to stay out late. I imagined all of the terrible things that could be happening to her right then, but when she arrived home, my worry immediately turned to annoyance. As I drifted to sleep, I thought about all the ways I was going to take my vengeance. You would have thought I would have been happy with her safe return…
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