It’s official, my son is afflicted. Some might say that he is already afflicted with anything from a bad temper to a super hot dad. Now, however, the doctor tells us he has something real: ringworm. I took him in to the doctor when I noticed he had a red splotch on his foot, and the good man looked at it immediately and said, “that’s ringworm.” I almost fainted. I was ready for athlete’s foot or a rash from his shoes being too small, but ringworm? Isn’t that something cats get? It sounds disgusting, like a disease dirty felons get from spending too much time in the hole. It doesn’t look very pleasant either.
It certainly didn’t make me feel very good when I dropped off Malcolm at school today. I tried to be nonchalant with the teachers, asking them if they had seen Malcolm’s new rain boots, commenting on the recent rain and then casually throwing in, “Oh, he’s got ringworm too. You should probably have him keep his shoes on.” The reaction was immediate and drastic.
Psst, I got foot problems!
His teacher recoiled and made a stink face reminiscent of Paris Hilton looking at a giant bucket of KFC. I laughed nervously and said, “Oh, but it should be gone soon. I think it may be contagious though, so, ya, let’s leave the shoes on.” When I said that my son may, in fact, spread his infirmity, the teacher looked at me like she was Paris Hilton after just having finished a whole bucket of chicken. I was slightly embarrassed. I quickly exited the classroom before being informed that Malcolm was not actually allowed to be present at school until his foot plague had vanished.
I did a little research and it turns out the name is completely BS. They used to think it was a worm, now they know it’s not. Whew! What is it? A fungus. Great, now my kid has a fungus. Turns out the fungus is the same fungus as athlete’s foot and jock itch, though. When I found this out, I immediately smiled because both “athlete’s foot” and “jock itch” have connotations which point to my kid being good at sports one day. Yay for us! I am actually kinda proud. I am not sure why they haven’t retired the ringworm name, but you can bet I’m not gonna use the term anymore. From now on, I’ll gladly announce, “Malcolm’s got athlete’s foot. Ya, that’s right. What’s your kid got, nerdberger syndrome?”
Tags: injuries
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Well since my kid hasn’t had it yet, I’m guessing my kids have nerdbergers?
Um, it’s toooootally a worm.
Eric, either that, or your kid is a lot cleaner than mine. Matzel, with a messed up name like that, you should be more compassionate. And, it’s toooootally not.