I hate to have to admit this to you, but Malcolm still has tantrums. I honestly thought that we would be done with those by now, given he is four years old, but they remain a constant and irritating part of our lives. His meltdowns are fierce and have extravagant production values. He cries, screams, kicks, scratches, bites, and yells every insult imaginable at you, (the most common being, “You are NOT coming to my birthday party!!!”) He is like a three and a half foot tall version of Amy Winehouse. I began to take the tantrums personally, like they were some sort of reverse merit badge for bad parenting. Each subsequent meltdown would cause me to fall farther into the chasm of parental self doubt. What was I doing wrong? What could I possibly be doing to make Malcolm have so many tantrums?
In an effort to get to the bottom of the mystery, I began to take mental notes whenever he had a tantrum. I realized something immediately. Malcolm only had tantrums when I told him something to do! He falls apart when I tell him he needs to turn his clothes right side in. He blows up every time I tell him we need to run errands after I pick him up from preschool. He has a conniption fit every time we make him leave somewhere that he is enjoying. These tantrums are occurring because we are making him do things that he doesn’t want to do.
Obviously, the solution to the tantrum problem is to stop telling Malcolm what to do. This falls into line nicely with his Montessori education, where he has the freedom to select whatever activity he desires during the day. If he wakes up and doesn’t feel like going to school or swim class then he won’t have to go. If he wants to watch movies for twelve hours a day, so be it. Who am I to tell him that he can’t eat chocolate all day? On second thought, why aren’t I living my life this way? He may be on to something!
The beauty of this approach to parenting is that it essentially eliminates most of my work. I would just drive him to things he wants to do, buy stuff at the store that I think he wants, and play some games around the house. No friction, no mess. No tears, no injuries. My job would get real easy, real quick.
Of course, there may be a downside to his having absolute control over himself. Robbed of the ability to command the inclusion of fruits and vegetables in his daily meals, his diet will deteriorate. He will remain his current size for the rest of his life. Sporadic school attendance will eventually lead to Malcolm, the village idiot. It won’t really matter, though, because he won’t leave the house due to the constant stream of movies that will play at our house. Poor hygiene choices will actually make me glad that no one is around to visit with our stinky, toothless son. Yes, we’ll have a real winner on our hands.
On second thought, maybe tantrums aren’t the worst thing ever.
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I definitely wouldn’t want a village idiot living in my house!!
I hear ya Big Daddy! My kids are tantrum throwers too…..I like to go to their doors and say while you are making so much noise I’m gonna shut your door for you now! They really hate that! Great post!
That’s okay, I still love Amy Winehouse and am waiting till she writes a children’s book.